Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Breaking Point

I kinda lost it today.  Just a little.
Or a lot.

I can't recall the last time I've been this way.

Spewing out all my thoughts in angry, frustrated tears. In typical drama-TV style telling my siblings that "I didn't need this right now" and explaining how much of a burden it is to be in this situation when your own family members seem to be blaming you for not being married already. And what it's like to have to always be the strong, supportive, optimistic one.

But that's what being in a family is all about.  Being strong and optimistic when the others might not be. Maddie reminded me of that.  May Allah bless her immensely because she truly is such an incredible blessing in my life.

It's evident that the family dynamics have shifted now. Things are different now. My role is changing and the way I see this whole process has definitely changed.

Before, we were making decisions as collective unit, even the ones about prospects.  I was flexible, and could be easily swayed by their arguments and opinions.  I just kinda went with the flow.

Now, I see myself as an adult.  An adult who's making this major decision with their consultation.  They've made the transition easier for me.

Saying things like, "You're time's running out" and implying that I can't afford to be "picky" because I'm turning 25 have really nurtured the rebellious, independent spirit within me.  The big 25...might as well be the big 40, cause apparently after this blip in the hill, it's all diminishing marginal utility from there. With every year added, my "worth" in terms of marriage material decreases.

What bollocks.

As if there's an expiry date on us.  "Best Before Age 25"

lol. That's actually making me laugh a little.  Perhaps a good t-shirt slogan idea?  :P

I actually wrote about this way, way back in time. Oh yeah, back on November 26, 2007.  SubhanAllah, how strange.

"To everyone else, it comes as a surprise that I'm not married and I guess it's just going to become common as time progresses. I don't get it. I'm only twenty and I look far younger than I am. Most people pin my age at 17.

But what is the hurry? For goodness sake, live and let live.

Brown people have this tendency to think of my parent's situtation as something of a headache. My, my, a string of single children all in their late teens and 20s.
Do they ever consider that if this is to be classified as a headache, then the obligation of a parent to teach good manners, to provide a good education, to nurture their child into a good person..etc, should be classified as a heart attack?

Marriage is but a very small part of this and yet as soon as you hit high-school graduation, that's all people think about. And then they wonder why the next generation of girls are so unmotivated. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that when they hear their role models being criticized as doing something against society's norms, that suddenly what these so-called role model are doing with their lives isn't so good.

Who was it that came up with this idea of an expiration date anyways? As if we're all just cartons of milk...waiting and waiting. But so long as all the other people my age aren't jumping on the marriage wagon yet, I'm safe. But the line-up is starting. My cousin's wife is a month younger than me. My childhood best friend is a mother of a one-year-old. And as the list grows longer, that saftey net around me will slowly begin to give way. Thank God for education-it's allowing me to buy time, not for long, but at this point I'll take what's given to me. And run."

It's funny re-reading that now.   I mean, I'm definitely not running from the idea of marriage anymore, if anything I'm kinda running towards it. But my feelings about the "wagon" haven't really changed all that much.

I mean, who created all these cultural norms anyways? And who decided that we must all conform to whatever everyone else is doing? Imagine a place where we truly understood the value of, that would be a nice place to be.

But in the end, the one thing that puts *everything* in perspective is what's really missing.  And that's the idea that in the end, no matter how much you pressure me or will for things to happen faster, they're not going to happen according to your timeline.

Kun, fa ya kun.

It's in His power. That's it.


Coming next: Update on the "Wednesday's Blind Date"

1 comment:

redhum said...

Cherie, I've only just started following your blog, but already it's like you're describing my situation. I'm 27. There is life after 25! And I'll just tell you now, it's down to cultural norms. If you don't follow the Indian/Pakistani factory line of school, college and marriage and then popping out a baby after a year or so, clearly there's something wrong with you!

Nowadays, more girls AND boys are waiting to marry the right person when they are centered, grounded and in the right frame of mind. I commend you for taking your time but you have to realise, it's not up to you. It's hard being the person who constantly reminds everyone of that, but you need to keep reminding them.

I've struggled throughout this whole process, and it doesn't get any easier in terms of people's attitudes and expectations. But, keep the faith, keep asking Allah. Read Namaz E Hajat, wake up for Tahajjud once a week if you can if not more. And keep working on yourself, become the kind of wife and mother you want to be so that when HE comes along inshallah you will be ready.

I should take my own advice really, but it's pretty hard to change yourself. Take it one day at a time, and don't worry about the future, it'll all work itself out inshallah, I have to believe that.