I got a text from my friend today. She was asking if I was interested at all in him.
He wants to meet again.
I feel really bad for not giving him another chance. Partly because I see myself as someone who's fighting for the underdog, and on principle, I do believe in second chances.
But no amount of rationalising can make me want to give him another chance.
And he's not marriage material - atleast not for me. He's insecure, unmotivated and lacking self-confidence. He could really benefit from some social skills training, actually. And the more I think about it, the more inclined I am to believe that he's likely suffering from acute depression or a related mood disorder.
I'm not saying this to dismiss him. Just as someone who's trained to work in the mental health field. When we do intakes and consultation interviews, there's a number of symptoms and signs that are immediate red flags; it usually means that a psychiatrist referral is the next step.
Now, I obviously didn't conduct a mental health interview when I met him. But there's certain things that do stand out: his flat affect, lack of social supports, perspective of life as "boring", inability to envision a future...etc. And if we did end up together, I'd constantly feel like I needed to take care of him.
I don't want to feel like I need to take care of my husband.
I want to feel like I want to take care of my husband.
And I know what I need in a husband. Someone with a zeal and excitement for life. Someone who's driven, responsible and is comfortable taking initiative. Someone who is comfortable wearing the 'pants' in the relationship and being the Amir of the family - because I certainly don't want that role.
There are far too many marriages that I know of where the Amir in the family is in fact the Amirah. Now, I'm not opposed to strong women in leadership roles, in fact by most standards I do consider myself a feminist. But, personally, in the home setting, I know that it's not for me.
So, sorry, Zayd. InshAllah, you meet someone who is a more suitable match for you. And I pray that you're able to overcome whatever difficulties and challenges you may be struggling with.