Sunday, 22 January 2012

Introducing Bilal

Flashback to July 2010.  This was the first time I was genuinely scared about the future.  It was right after I had met Bilal and this July was a roller coaster. In the next couple of posts, we're going back in time to re-visit Bilal.

[July 2010]

I am.

Sam I am, Scared I am.

I had my second serious rishta meeting yesterday. And I'm a different person than I was when I had my first meeting.
What separates the two is two years. 

Two years ago, I was in third year.  I was taking int'l peace and human rights.  I was so naive, thinking that all that mattered was personality - not family, not looks, nothing else.

I was less nervous this time, and what made me happy was that it was so halal.  That sounds weird so let me explain.  This time, there was no mixed seating and carrying in a tray of tea. This time, there were no women actually from the other side.  All the men sat in the front room and chatted for awhile.  Dad came to get the tea, and I ventured out to the backyard to talk to my sisters.  And then all of the sudden, while I'm still on the phone, dad brings him outside. 


But he was visibly nervous, and that made me more comfortable with my own anxiety.

We talked for about 20 minutes and then it was maghrib time to they all went to the masjid.  When they came back, the men chatted some more, and then right before they left, his dad came into the back room to speak to mum and me.  He reminds me of my Khala's husband - chatty, but really friendly too.

And that was it.

My parents are happy.

And I don't know where I am.

Where am I?  What did I think?

All I can say is that I don't know.  I really don't. 
My knowledge is so incomplete, and the knowledge of Al-Aleem is so perfect and complete.

I liked some things.  I didn't like other things.

And I feel like I have to think everything through twice because New Zealand is so far away. It would mean leaving everything I know, and everyone I know.

I wouldn't be in North America anymore.  I'd be on an island.  An island.

Anyways, it's best to not overthink this.  What is meant to happen, will happen and all I can do is hold on to my tawakul-Allah.


redhum said...

OK, so I'm confused. Your second serious rishta was yesterday? He's called Bilal and lives in New Zealand. Your first one was 2 years ago when you were studying. Is that correct?

Cherie, you've actually been in my thoughts a lot this past week. I don't know why, but I've been thinking of you and hoping for an update on your situation. Maybe because I connect to you a lot more than perhaps any other quest blogs because you're a girl.

Anyway, I'm always scared! It's like this deep fear in the pit of my stomach that everything is going to change. And OMG, perhaps he really IS the one! No-where to hide now, what's inevitable will happen.

But you know what, I think in the end, if it's meant to be then you will find peace in your heart regarding the right decision. Change is scary, I hate change. But, with this, you have the potential for peace and happiness.

Pray Istikhara, speak to your family and figure out what they feel. And then leave it up to Allah to show you what's best. But above all, don't give up hope.

Chere Moineau said...

Yikes..I guess I should've clarified things. All of these posts about Bilal are from July 2010...I'm taking a little trip down memory lane. These posts were written back then, and I'm thinking of posting that experience verbatim, and then doing a Lessons Learned type of entry as the last one in the Bilal series.

As for what's going on right now, I shall email you. For some reason, I too feel like I know you. <3