Monday, 30 January 2012

A slow start...

[July 2010]

Two weeks ago.

Right before the end of camp, and the beginning of my breakdown.

Part OneI think it started with the camera drama.  The staff had misplaced my camera and no one knew where it was, or cared to look for it.  Except for me, of course.

So while everyone was hustling, bustling and having some fun, I was frantically interrogating people, running from one person to another.

It was just a camera.  A three hundred dollar camera, but albeit, still just a camera.
And while there were a few gentle souls that tried to console me, I kept thinking:
a) Shit.  I lost another camera. 
b) Dumb staff!  I can't believe they're so irresponsible!
c)  Nobody's taking pictures of the picnic and the games.  I HAVE to find that camera so I can start taking pics pronto.
d)  Why doesn't anyone else care?  What the hell is wrong with everyone?

After about an hour and half of mindless running about, I was getting super emotional and cranky.  Sarah was trying to help me, and yet I snapped at her.  I marched off, saying that I needed a walk.

And I walked.  Around to the other entrance, and into the washroom.

I walked by camp people, in their red and purple t-shirts.  I stared at the ground.

I started washing my sweaty face, and then realised I probably should just make whudu.

So I did.

And then I sneaked into a classroom and made my way to a corner.  I took my camp t-shirt off and laid it on the ground, and prayed the best dhur I had prayed that week.

The best dhur of that week, maybe even that year.
It took me an hour.
But, by Allah, I felt so calm after.

And yet, this breakdown was only the tip of the ice-berg.

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