Tranquilized

[July 2010]

Why is this bugging me so much?
Okay, let's think some rational thoughts, yeah?

There's no point in allowing this to bother me since I have no control over the matter to begin with.
There's no point, because each thought simply leads to another, which leads to a constant spiral of anxiety.

I've always told myself that things happen according to His master plan, and not our small, insignificant plans.  If I trust this, why am I still so antsy?

Does my reaction indicate a distortion in rational thought patterns?

Why could I be feeling this way?

Does it have to do with some inner insecurities?
Does it have to do with some unresolved matters?
Does it have to do with the fact that I made a 180* flip?  Or that this optimism is so unnatural to me (on that note, am I really that immune to thinking positively and expecting the best?)
Does it have to do with counter-transference of my family's thoughts and beliefs?

What am I afraid of?
And why?

My Lord isn't just the All-Loving (Al-Wadud) and the All-Merciful (Ar-Rahmaan); He is also my Guardian Lord, my Rabb, and He will take care of my every need, insha-Allah.